1.

I’m in my early 40s, and my mom is still kind of here. Probably not for long, though, so I’m going to start writing some of these moments down. For both of us.  Not really for her, since she doesn’t read much these days. More for you and me. …

2.

I live in a log house nestled in a river valley between an alpine prairie and mountain range. My mom was seething when we bought this small ranch as a family retreat. She doesn’t like dust. So I was a little confused last month when my dad told me …

3.

At first she thought they were here on vacation… the moving trucks were late, and didn’t get here until last week. By then they’d already been living out of their suitcases for a few days, supplemented by whatever else they’d been able to pack in the car for the …

4.

I walk into the laundry room today to hug her goodbye, and she venomously whispers I know what you’re doing, like I’m an apologetic teenager sneaking away to a keg party, making premonitory amends to a disapproving parent. But I’m 43 years-old, at least for one more day. My …

5.

I left yesterday.  I loaded the horses in the trailer before dawn, as my mom stood in the doorway crying. She said Don’t go when I hugged her, in direct contrast to the other day when she asked why I was even there. I knew another part of her …

6.

I started surfing again. Every day actually, since leaving the mountains a couple of weeks back.  I’ve been trailering my horses to the mountains every spring for the last five years, staying the summer and fall, and bringing them south when the snow began to fly. And that’s where …

7.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I left the mountains. I’m on a redeye from Hawaii right now, though. I thought this was a good idea before they moved in with me, to plan this family trip while my mom is still kind of here, because Hawaii is …

8.

Today is their wedding anniversary. Together 60 years, married for the last 56. They’re spending the day driving back to their house in Washington, which they’re trying to sell. I wonder if she remembers getting married? The wedding day, the guests? Are they talking about the old days as …

9.

My aunt called a few days ago worried about my mom, because she told my aunt she wants her to come get her. My aunt lives thousands of miles away, so coming to get her isn’t an option, but she knows it’s not necessary, anyway. She knows my mom …

10.

I called my aunt today.  She said my mom’s anger has been accumulating since she was a child, born to both poverty and a mother who didn’t want her.  When she was a toddler, my mom discovered her Uncle Tony blown to pieces in his kitchen from a self-inflicted …